William Nordhaus, Nobel-winning climate economist, dies at 85 (news.yale.edu)
Lines left out: a serious story.
PXL News
Everything the anchors say on this tape, story by story.
Lines left out: a serious story.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: A story trailer for Cronos: Lazarus lands while Resident Evil Veronica is still months away.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Now the full story: Resident Evil Veronica is months away, so Cronos: Lazarus fills the gap. A DLC called Lazarus, naturally it returns. ▶
THE ANNOUNCER: In a world... of time-travel armour and tentacled space monsters, the story is not over yet. ▶
KAI: Huge. Is there a port on this suit? ▶
UNIT-7: Tentacled space monsters again? ▶
THE ANNOUNCER: Cronos: Lazarus. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Spoiler rating: three. It only takes us back to where the main game put us, in the armour, facing the tentacles. ▶
ROXY: Four reels! Over 200 comments say they are so excited, and so am I. I cried at the armour. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: A quick look behind the glass in the control room.
DIRECTOR MARGE: Gallery, we are live in the room! Who touched the big red button?
PASSERBY: It was glowing, so I thought it wanted to be pressed.
DIRECTOR MARGE: We just aired 'OpenAI plans to train models on Daybreak Blue cybersecurity session data that was previously off-limits'. Why is it on the coffee monitor?
PASSERBY: Sorry, the tally lights all look the same. Is red good?
DIRECTOR MARGE: Red means live! And the pigeon is sitting on Camera 2 again. Get it off!
PASSERBY: I offered it a sandwich. It wants the headset.
BILLY MAYHEM: Essay due TOMORROW? Essayish writes fifty pages while you PANIC! Thirty sources! Thirty-ish!
PRUDENCE NUANCE: On the one hand, thorough. On the other hand, who is Professor Nobody?
BILLY MAYHEM: But wait! Every essay comes with a footnote that cites the footnote! FREE!
AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles. Plain text