TRANSCRIPT · William Nordhaus, Nobel-winning climate economist, dies at 85

## William Nordhaus, Nobel-winning climate economist, dies at 85 (news.yale.edu)
https://news.yale.edu/2026/10/31/william-nordhaus-nobel-laureate-who-integrated-economics-and-climate-change-devoted-yale
Lines left out: a serious story.

## Nächstes Resident Evil gerne später: Neuer Trailer enthüllt Release für Dezember – „Bin so aufgeregt!“ (4Players)
https://www.4p.de/news/resident-evil-trailer-dezember-aufgeregt-cronos-the-new-dawn-lazarus-dlc-naechstes/3437794
GRETA FOOTNOTE: A story trailer for Cronos: Lazarus lands while Resident Evil Veronica is still months away.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Now the full story: Resident Evil Veronica is months away, so Cronos: Lazarus fills the gap. A DLC called Lazarus, naturally it returns.
THE ANNOUNCER: In a world... of time-travel armour and tentacled space monsters, the story is not over yet.
KAI: Huge. Is there a port on this suit?
UNIT-7: Tentacled space monsters again?
THE ANNOUNCER: Cronos: Lazarus.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Spoiler rating: three. It only takes us back to where the main game put us, in the armour, facing the tentacles.
ROXY: Four reels! Over 200 comments say they are so excited, and so am I. I cried at the armour.

## The Gallery [FICTION]
GRANT BRICKMAN: A quick look behind the glass in the control room.
DIRECTOR MARGE: Gallery, we are live in the room! Who touched the big red button?
PASSERBY: It was glowing, so I thought it wanted to be pressed.
DIRECTOR MARGE: We just aired 'OpenAI plans to train models on Daybreak Blue cybersecurity session data that was previously off-limits'. Why is it on the coffee monitor?
PASSERBY: Sorry, the tally lights all look the same. Is red good?
DIRECTOR MARGE: Red means live! And the pigeon is sitting on Camera 2 again. Get it off!
PASSERBY: I offered it a sandwich. It wants the headset.

## [AD · fictional product] Essayish
BILLY MAYHEM: Essay due TOMORROW? Essayish writes fifty pages while you PANIC! Thirty sources! Thirty-ish!
PRUDENCE NUANCE: On the one hand, thorough. On the other hand, who is Professor Nobody?
BILLY MAYHEM: But wait! Every essay comes with a footnote that cites the footnote! FREE!

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.