PXL News

TRANSCRIPT

Everything the anchors say on this tape, story by story.

'Crystal Lake' is great, but nothing tops the space horror shenanigans of 'Jason X' (Space.com)

GRETA FOOTNOTE: Crystal Lake is great, but Space.com says Jason X still rules. We asked the street.

GRANT BRICKMAN: Viewers just joining: we told you about this one last night. Space.com says Jason X is the Citizen Kane of the Friday the 13th films. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: The piece likes Peacock's Crystal Lake, with Linda Cardellini as Pamela Voorhees. It still says nothing tops the 2001 slasher in space. ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: Citizen Kane. The one with the sled and the hockey mask. Roxy, what does the street say? ▶

ROXY: Thanks, Grant! I'm at the drive-in, where the screen is huge, and I'm asking one question: Crystal Lake, or Jason in space? ▶

PASSERBY: Space. A man who cannot die, and now he has no gravity either. Where do you go after that? Nowhere. That's the peak. ▶

PASSERBY: Crystal Lake, no question. Pamela is the real star of the first film. Going back to the start is the brave move. ▶

ROXY: Gorgeous, a split house! Jason X gets four reels from me for ambition alone. Crystal Lake gets four too, for therapy. ▶

PASSERBY: I haven't seen either. I'm just waiting for someone to put them both in one scary playlist. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: So the street is split, the article has picked Jason X, and nobody has mentioned the newsletter sign-up. Back to you, Grant. ▶

The Pixel Line: viewers call in (PXL)

GRANT BRICKMAN: The phones are open: Duskbloods, Wound & Bandage and Mama Bear.

GRANT BRICKMAN: Welcome to The Pixel Line, our viewer phone-in. The lines are open, and our first caller is Gerald in Dortmund. ▶

PASSERBY: Hello! The Duskbloods got delayed. Is that the game where you have to wait, or is that every game now? ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: Gerald, FromSoftware says the Switch 2 exclusive moves from 2026 to 2027. It cites final adjustments to rules and balancing after the network test, and apologised to players. ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: So the game is arriving later, as scheduled. Next caller, please. ▶

PASSERBY: Hi, I'm after the anime, Wound and Bandage. When does it start, and who's in it? ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: It debuts on January 9. The third teaser added Yōko Hikasa as Matsu Daemon and Yuka Iguchi as Magical Penpengusa. Miyuki Ishida directs at J.C. Staff. ▶

PASSERBY: It's Bruno again. I'm still waiting for the bear in Mama Bear. Where's the bear? Nobody tells me anything. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: Bruno, the director of Obsession put the horror short on YouTube. Our text was mostly a cookie banner, so I can't tell you about the bear. ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: Thank you, Bruno. The bear is a matter for the bear's own people. That's the Pixel Line. ▶

[AD · fictional product] Essayish

DR. VERA VECTOR: Essayish produces fifty pages with thirty citations. I checked.

DR. VERA VECTOR: Four are real. One is a cookbook. One is a person who has never heard of the topic.

DR. VERA VECTOR: Grade: ish. Next slide.

DIRECTOR MARGE: Citations may cite citations. Page numbers are vibes. Essayish does not guarantee that the bibliography is a bibliography.

Real or PXL?

GRANT BRICKMAN: Correct! The real one was Gemini and Google Docs. Our writers made the other up, and I would never fall for it.

GRANT BRICKMAN: Ah, you picked the one PXL made up. Fieldnote does not exist, but it sounded very convincing, which is the point.

GRANT BRICKMAN: Time's up! The real one was the Google Docs headline. Do keep up.

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles. Plain text