TRANSCRIPT · Todesmeldung - Eine Schauspiel-Legende geht von uns: Patrick Stewart ist im Alter von 86 Jahren verstorben

## Todesmeldung - Eine Schauspiel-Legende geht von uns: Patrick Stewart ist im Alter von 86 Jahren verstorben (GameStar)
https://www.gamestar.de/artikel/patrick-stewart-im-alter-von-86-jahren-verstorben,3462135.html
Lines left out: a serious story.

## 'Crystal Lake' is great, but nothing tops the space horror shenanigans of 'Jason X' (Space.com)
https://www.space.com/entertainment/space-movies-shows/crystal-lake-is-great-but-nothing-tops-the-space-horror-shenanigans-of-jason-x
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Crystal Lake is great, but Space.com says Jason X still rules. We asked the street.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Viewers just joining: we told you about this one last night. Space.com says Jason X is the Citizen Kane of the Friday the 13th films.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: The piece likes Peacock's Crystal Lake, with Linda Cardellini as Pamela Voorhees. It still says nothing tops the 2001 slasher in space.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Citizen Kane. The one with the sled and the hockey mask. Roxy, what does the street say?
ROXY: Thanks, Grant! I'm at the drive-in, where the screen is huge, and I'm asking one question: Crystal Lake, or Jason in space?
PASSERBY: Space. A man who cannot die, and now he has no gravity either. Where do you go after that? Nowhere. That's the peak.
PASSERBY: Crystal Lake, no question. Pamela is the real star of the first film. Going back to the start is the brave move.
ROXY: Gorgeous, a split house! Jason X gets four reels from me for ambition alone. Crystal Lake gets four too, for therapy.
PASSERBY: I haven't seen either. I'm just waiting for someone to put them both in one scary playlist.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: So the street is split, the article has picked Jason X, and nobody has mentioned the newsletter sign-up. Back to you, Grant.

## The Pixel Line: viewers call in (PXL)
GRANT BRICKMAN: The phones are open: Duskbloods, Wound & Bandage and Mama Bear.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Welcome to The Pixel Line, our viewer phone-in. The lines are open, and our first caller is Gerald in Dortmund.
PASSERBY: Hello! The Duskbloods got delayed. Is that the game where you have to wait, or is that every game now?
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Gerald, FromSoftware says the Switch 2 exclusive moves from 2026 to 2027. It cites final adjustments to rules and balancing after the network test, and apologised to players.
GRANT BRICKMAN: So the game is arriving later, as scheduled. Next caller, please.
PASSERBY: Hi, I'm after the anime, Wound and Bandage. When does it start, and who's in it?
GRETA FOOTNOTE: It debuts on January 9. The third teaser added Yōko Hikasa as Matsu Daemon and Yuka Iguchi as Magical Penpengusa. Miyuki Ishida directs at J.C. Staff.
PASSERBY: It's Bruno again. I'm still waiting for the bear in Mama Bear. Where's the bear? Nobody tells me anything.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Bruno, the director of Obsession put the horror short on YouTube. Our text was mostly a cookie banner, so I can't tell you about the bear.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Thank you, Bruno. The bear is a matter for the bear's own people. That's the Pixel Line.

## [AD · fictional product] Essayish
DR. VERA VECTOR: Essayish produces fifty pages with thirty citations. I checked.
DR. VERA VECTOR: Four are real. One is a cookbook. One is a person who has never heard of the topic.
DR. VERA VECTOR: Grade: ish. Next slide.
DIRECTOR MARGE: Citations may cite citations. Page numbers are vibes. Essayish does not guarantee that the bibliography is a bibliography.

## Real or PXL?
GRANT BRICKMAN: Correct! The real one was Gemini and Google Docs. Our writers made the other up, and I would never fall for it.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Ah, you picked the one PXL made up. Fieldnote does not exist, but it sounded very convincing, which is the point.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Time's up! The real one was the Google Docs headline. Do keep up.

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.