TRANSCRIPT · Making Internal Combustion Engines Better With More Valves

## Making Internal Combustion Engines Better With More Valves (Hackaday)
https://hackaday.com/2026/10/30/making-internal-combustion-engines-better-with-more-valves/
DOZER BITWELL: A homemade engine gets ten valves, and some of them are wood screws.
DOZER BITWELL: Still up? Good. We told you about this engine yesterday, so this is for anyone just joining. It has more valves now. Let's ease in.
LUNA LOWBATT: Hackaday reports that Alexander's Laboratory built a ten-valve head. Five valves breathe in, five breathe out. I'm at four percent, so I relate.
DOZER BITWELL: Ten valves. That's a lot of doors for one small explosion. Ada is at the makerspace with the details. I lost my place, but Ada hasn't.
ADA: Huge fan of this one. Engines usually get only as many valves as they need. But the Yamaha FX750 has three inlet and two outlet per cylinder, twenty in total.
ADA: The claim is that smaller, lighter valves help performance. Each one has less to move. That's the idea Alexander wanted to push further.
ADA: This is footage of the largely 3D-printed engine from the earlier videos. The four-valve head comes off, and a new ten-valve head goes on in its place.
ADA: And the custom valves? Large wood screws. Yes, really. I'm so jealous. Someone check my pegboard for wood screws.
DIRECTOR MARGE: Ada, we are off in thirty seconds. Finish the screws and throw back to the desk. Now, please.
LUNA LOWBATT: Wood screws as valves. Somewhere, a very patient engine is thinking about its life choices. Back to you, Dozer. I need a charge.

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## Weather
STORMY BYTES: Good morning, night owls. It's the small hours, and there's a high-pressure front of people with spare 3D printers.
STORMY BYTES: Expect scattered wood screws over the garage, with a chance of overconfident engine talk.
STORMY BYTES: Visibility is low and the hype is moderate. Keep a thermos handy.

## Real or PXL?
DOZER BITWELL: Correct! The real one. Sharp eye. I assumed you'd see through our made-up headline. We do keep a tidy desk of fakes.
DOZER BITWELL: Oh dear. That one was PXL's own invention. Brunnel Optics doesn't exist, much like my confidence in that answer. Easy mistake.
DOZER BITWELL: Time's up! The clock waits for no one, not even me, and I've tried.

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.