TRANSCRIPT · Aliens, Bigfoots, and Monsters… Remembering the Age of the Weirdumentary

## Aliens, Bigfoots, and Monsters… Remembering the Age of the Weirdumentary (IGN)
https://www.ign.com/articles/aliens-bigfoots-and-monsters-remembering-the-age-of-the-weirdumentary
GRANT BRICKMAN: Aliens, Bigfoots and monsters: IGN remembers the age of the weirdumentary.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Good afternoon. IGN remembers the age of the weirdumentary, when monster documentaries were a huge hit at the box office.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: After Vietnam and Watergate, the report says, people turned to ESP, UFOs and cryptozoology. Sunn Classic Pictures, from Utah, made a fortune.
BARNABY: Partly dramatized, partly true, fully franchisable. I have heard this pitch before. It usually comes back with a sequel.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Thank you, Barnaby. Gary is on location. Gary, what do you make of Bigfoot at the box office?
GARY: Here is the vibe we are looking at: grainy cinema posters and a shadowy figure between the trees. Very serious. Very dark. Mild lava.
GARY: James L. Conway, who worked at Sunn Classic, tells IGN there was no YouTube, Wikipedia or social media. A cinema ticket was how you saw the unusual.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Now everyone has a screen in their pocket. I suspect the monsters have moved into the pocket too.

## Seabirds racing home over the ocean can get jet-lagged (Ars Technica)
https://arstechnica.com/science/2026/10/seabirds-racing-home-over-the-ocean-can-get-jet-lagged/
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Seabirds get jet lag too, and it messes with their compass.
ODETTE: A panel! Four chairs, one story, nobody agrees.
DIRECTOR MARGE: THE STREET. Whoever pitched the others, thank you, no.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Good afternoon. For viewers just joining: we first told you about jet-lagged seabirds today. Nova has been asking the public how they feel about it.
NOVA: Manx shearwaters can get jet lag, says a new Science study. In cosmic terms, that is a very small clock. I asked the street.
PASSERBY: I get jet lag from a short flight. Birds doing it over an ocean? Respect.
PASSERBY: They are about the size of a pigeon, you say? I get lost in the car park.
NOVA: The report says they use a map sense, maybe smell, then the Sun as a compass. The trouble is that the Sun moves.
PASSERBY: Body says midnight, clock says lunchtime. I live there. Nobody studies me.
PASSERBY: The report says about half of them live in Wales. Of course they are rushing home.
NOVA: A bird, a burrow, a star that moves. All of us just trying to get home on the wrong time. Wonderful.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: For the record: the jet lag leaves a measurable mark on their compass. The birds, as far as the report says, still have a map sense.

## Pixels in Brief (PXL)
GRANT BRICKMAN: Pixels in Brief: three quick stories in half a minute.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Quick round. Red Barrels' co-founder wonders why nobody replicated Outlast's success. Nobody hides well.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Sam Altman doubts big RAM in home PCs: it may be used five percent of the time. Relatable, honestly.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: A 4,000-year-old wall found in Morocco is rewriting North African history. The textbooks groan.

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## Weather
STORMY BYTES: London first: 15 degrees now, clear sky, wind 10 km/h. Today's high is 15, low 10, zero percent chance of rain. Not a drop of hype.
STORMY BYTES: Paris: 15 degrees, clear sky, wind 11 km/h. High 15, low 7, rain chance zero percent. Mainly clear and mainly smug.
STORMY BYTES: Berlin: 11 degrees, partly cloudy, wind 13 km/h. High 11, low 6, zero percent chance of rain, though today's summary says light rain. The sky is undecided.
STORMY BYTES: Madrid: 21 degrees, mainly clear, wind 3 km/h. High 21, low 9, rain chance zero percent. Practically a heat map of happiness.
STORMY BYTES: Rome: 21 degrees, mainly clear, wind 7 km/h. High 21, low 10, and a 3 percent chance of rain. One brave cloud, maybe.

## Real or PXL?
GRANT BRICKMAN: Correct. You spotted the real one. We made the other up in the back, and I am told it was very convincing.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Fooled! PXL made that one up. Believable, wasn't it? Don't feel bad, it nearly got me too.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Time is up! The clock waits for no one, not even the big one on my wall.

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.