TRANSCRIPT · FritzBox: Fritz! garantiert mindestens sechs Jahre Updates für neue Router

## FritzBox: Fritz! garantiert mindestens sechs Jahre Updates für neue Router (ComputerBase)
https://www.computerbase.de/news/internet/fritzbox-fritz-garantiert-mindestens-sechs-jahre-updates-fuer-neue-router.100101/
GRANT BRICKMAN: Breaking: your router just got a date, and Fritz! says new ones will be updated for at least six years.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Breaking news, just in. Your router now has a date on it, like a carton of milk. Fritz! has published the dates.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Fritz! now names, for each device, the date until which it gets updates at minimum. For new products, that is at least six years.
KAI: Huge, Grant! There's a new website called Status der Produktunterstützung, with a new column: Updates available until at least. Huge column.
KAI: It covers FritzBoxes, repeaters, smart home gear and FritzFon phones. Pick your category with the buttons at the top. Older models hide under More models.
KAI: This is file footage of a router blinking on a shelf. The old Fritz!Box 7490 is listed too, and its support end date was the first of October 2025.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: The minimum period counts from a product's market launch. The hardware warranty still starts when you buy it. So software support can be shorter or longer than the warranty.
GRANT BRICKMAN: So the router has a best-before date and a warranty, and they are different dates. Like the VCR timer. Greta, which one goes in my calendar?
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Both, Grant. They are separate. And when in doubt, unplug it, count to ten, and then check the date.

## Happy Halloween! SpaceX launches 27 Starlink satellites to orbit from California (Space.com)
https://www.space.com/space-exploration/launches-spacecraft/spacex-starlink-launch-falcon-9-group-15-18-landing-ocisly
GRETA FOOTNOTE: A Halloween Falcon 9 from California carried 27 Starlink satellites up, and the booster was on its 18th flight.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Now the full story, in Crossfire. SpaceX launched 27 Starlink satellites on Halloween, booster on flight 18. Is that news, or a calendar entry?
NOVA: A Falcon 9 lifted off from Vandenberg at 12:04 a.m. Eastern, 9:04 p.m. local on Oct. 30, and put 27 Starlink satellites into low Earth orbit.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Lyle, you're on the left. Booster B1093 flew its 18th time. Does that move you?
LYLE HOTCHKISS: Eighteen flights! The Roman aqueducts took centuries, and this booster does the same job before the coffee goes cold.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Nova, what does the report leave out?
NOVA: It doesn't say what happens to the booster next. The record is 37 flights, set in August by B1067. The upper stage deployed all 27 satellites.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Lyle, the record is 37. B1093 is on 18. Impressive or not?
LYLE HOTCHKISS: Eighteen is nothing, the record is 37, it's practically a hobby. Actually no. Eighteen is a miracle, my toaster gave up after four.
ROXY: Twenty-seven satellites in one go is an ensemble cast with no lead. I'd lose half a reel for that alone.
NOVA: On a cosmic scale it's a quick trip. But the timing is fun: just after midnight Eastern, on Halloween.
LYLE HOTCHKISS: That drone ship's name is smug. Of Course I Still Love You. Nobody loves a boat that catches things that neatly.
ROXY: It's a romance, Lyle. The rocket always comes back. Rare in cinema.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: What we know: 27 satellites reached orbit and B1093 landed on its 18th flight. What's open: whether that counts as news. They don't agree.

## PXL Corrects the Record (PXL)
GRANT BRICKMAN: Greta has three corrections, and Grant has three explanations.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Good morning. It's time for PXL Corrects the Record, which I assume is a short segment.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Grant, you said a developer made the guessing game in his honor. It honors Sir Patrick Stewart, and the post gives no gender for the developer.
GRANT BRICKMAN: I said honor. Somebody was honored. The pronoun was a courtesy.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: You asked if a flame-cooled fridge was a warranty issue. It was a demo build to show how absorption fridges work.
GRANT BRICKMAN: A fridge with a flame is a hotel minibar with ambition. My question stands.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: You said computers were moving into space. That was DoorDash. AI agents placed several hundred orders. No space.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Delivery is the final frontier, Greta. I was speaking in broad strokes.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Noted for the record, Grant.

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AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.