PXL News
Everything the anchors say on this tape, story by story.
GRANT BRICKMAN: While you were asleep: a 2027 games calendar landed, with Fable, Exodus and Final Fantasy 7 Revelation among the early headliners.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Fujifilm says it will invest about 10 billion yen, roughly 63 million dollars, to raise its tape production capacity fivefold.
GRANT BRICKMAN: And Yacht Club Games say most of the team now works on a new 3D game, potentially Shovel Knight 3D.
GRANT BRICKMAN: The German voice of SpongeBob says no to a Netflix contract over AI clauses.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Breaking news, just in. The German voice of SpongeBob has turned down a Netflix contract over AI clauses. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: GamePro reports Santiago Ziesmer, also the German voice of Steve Buscemi, declined a job dubbing Buscemi again in spring 2026. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: So a robot sponge is taking over? That's the VCR timer all over again: you ask for one thing, it records another. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: No, Grant. The clause would let Netflix use the recordings as AI training data, with no extra pay. ▶
ROXY: Roxy live at the lobby! Ziesmer has voiced SpongeBob for over 500 episodes, plus Vegeta in the first 35 of Dragon Ball Z and Heimerdinger in Arcane. ▶
ROXY: Here we see his YouTube channel, where last May he explained his reasons and declared a fight against growing AI use in film and media. ▶
ROXY: The headline says 'it breaks my heart'. For the first time in years he doesn't speak for Buscemi. Five reels for the career, zero for the clause. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: The article doesn't say how Netflix responds. We'll keep watching. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Back to the coffee, then. Gently. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune may wreck each other sooner than expected.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: For viewers just joining: we first told you today at 00:17 that the giant planets may wreck each other. Nova asked the street. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Chaos in the outer solar system, a few billion years after the sun runs dry. Nova, how is the public holding up? ▶
NOVA: Thrilling! The study says the outer giants may take weird orbits once the sun runs out of fuel. So I'm asking people how they feel. ▶
PASSERBY: A few billion years? I can't plan past Tuesday. Do the planets have a group chat? ▶
PASSERBY: Four giant planets crossing paths? Sounds like my commute. ▶
NOVA: Scientists long thought these four would keep their look for hundreds of billions of years. Cosmic perspective, people! ▶
PASSERBY: Hundreds of billions of years? So it's early. I'm having breakfast. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Hundreds of billions of years of warning. That's longer than any warranty I own. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Greta sets Grant straight on a camera, a foil and a Viking.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Time for PXL Corrects the Record. I'm told it's mandatory, and also that it's about me. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Grant said the toy camera has a day job now. Patched, the Godox C100 works only as a USB drive and webcam. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: A drive and a webcam. That is a day job. I stand by every word. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: You said invisible heating lets you warm your mug. It's a mesh thinner than a hair in clear foil, meant to replace brittle ITO. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: A hair is a very small mug warmer. I was ahead of the science. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Half German, half Japanese, all Viking. Wickie was made for ZDF and ORF with Zuiyo Eizo, so Austria too. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Austria is basically Germany with better hills. Moving on. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: We'll note that for the record. Quietly. ▶
BILLY MAYHEM: Tired of Saturday? Meet Cuddlebrook, the weighted hug blanket for people who can't ask for a hug!
BILLY MAYHEM: Watch! Wrap it round, feel the calm. Oh. It is hugging the couch! Very committed! BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! A second blanket to hug the first blanket!
PRUDENCE NUANCE: Calmer and slightly trapped. I'd say both, honestly.
STORMY BYTES: London: 10 degrees now, overcast. High 14, low 10, rain chance 0 percent. Dry grey, like a polite shrug.
STORMY BYTES: Paris: 7 degrees, clear sky. High 15, low 7, 0 percent chance of rain. Pure croissant weather.
STORMY BYTES: Berlin: 9 degrees, overcast. High 12, low 6, 3 percent chance of rain. A drizzle rumour, nothing more.
STORMY BYTES: Madrid: 9 degrees under a clear sky. High 21, low 9, rain chance 0 percent. The warm one today.
STORMY BYTES: Rome: 10 degrees, overcast. High 21, low 9, 3 percent chance of rain. Grey start, warm finish.
AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles. Plain text