PXL News
Everything the anchors say on this tape, story by story.
GRANT BRICKMAN: While you were asleep: Mina the Hollower sold over 500,000 copies in two weeks, and Yacht Club is now on a new 3D game.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: DoorDash's CEO says AI agents have generated several hundred orders so far, a very low use case next to nearly a billion orders.
GRANT BRICKMAN: And a look back at Wickie and the Strong Men, the anime made for ZDF and ORF with a Japanese studio, first aired in April 1974.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Next year's games already have a calendar, and Fable is on it. GTA 6 on PC is still waiting for a date.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Good morning. Let's plan your gaming year with the second coffee. PC Gamer has a calendar of 2027 releases, and Fable is on it. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: It lists release dates and windows, plus games that could surprise us. Grand Theft Auto 6 on PC is on there too, still without a date. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: The future, already scheduled. Gary is standing in it right now. Gary? ▶
GARY: Live from the convention floor, which is one very long queue. I rate the 2027 calendar nine out of ten. Lava level is mild. ▶
GARY: Fable, Exodus and Final Fantasy 7 Revelation are the early headliners. Dates are trickling in like loot drops. Nobody panic. ▶
GARY: File footage of the writer's own wishlist: Gen Atlas, Blight and The Expanse RPG, all still dateless. They say they can't be slain until they've played them. ▶
GARY: Oddly specific win conditions, as the writer puts it. The calendar gets four stars and a side quest called patience. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: So: a calendar, a lot of maybes, and a GTA 6 PC date that does not exist yet. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Marvellous. I'll clear my 2027 right after this coffee. Where does one keep next year? ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Fujifilm is making five times more magnetic tape, and it blames AI. Tape is back, and the studio is arguing about it.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Good morning. Fujifilm is making five times more magnetic tape and blames AI. Crossfire: is tape the future or the footnote? ▶
AXIOM: Happy to help! Fujifilm will invest roughly 10 billion yen, about 63 million dollars, to raise tape production capacity fivefold. ▶
AXIOM: The money goes to the Odawara site in Kanagawa, through fiscal 2028, for LTO Ultrium10 tape. Cloud giants rely on tape. Thank you for the question! ▶
AXIOM: Fun aside: tape is named after the tape measure, which is also very long. You are welcome. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: On Bluesky, five posts link this story, with 50 likes and 16 reposts. Small, but the opinions are lively. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: As opinion: some there joke about SSD prices and who abandoned tape. Others are amazed AI leans on it, or quote the article's low-cost line. ▶
LYLE HOTCHKISS: Five times the tape? That is a pyramid made of ribbon, finished by Thursday, and Fujifilm holds the shovel. ▶
PRUDENCE NUANCE: Offline security, says the report. Has anyone asked how long offline takes to come back? ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Axiom, how old is this tape business? Older than my VCR timer? ▶
AXIOM: Fujifilm's tape work dates to the 1950s, and its first LTO Ultrium came out in 2000. Thank you for asking! ▶
LYLE HOTCHKISS: Tape is a relic, a museum piece, a dust magnet, and, wait, five times? Put some in my basement. ▶
PRUDENCE NUANCE: A relic that cloud giants rely on is a very busy relic. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Known: Fujifilm is spending to quintuple tape capacity, citing AI archiving demand. Open: whether anyone here will ever agree. Back to the desk. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: The Hype Index is in, and a Star Trek guessing game is beating the money news.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Time for the Hype Index, the market report on what everybody is excited about. Greta, hold my mug. Vera, the board. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: Top of the wire. 157 points on Hacker News: a TNG episode guessing game made to honor Sir Patrick Stewart. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: Then 127 points for OpenAI raising less than half of a 30 billion dollar target. And 126 for Tell HN: Scribd Breached. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: A guessing game beat the funding news. Somebody is going to want pastries about that. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: Desk volume over 24 hours: tech, 30 stories. AI, 30 stories. Gaming, 30 stories. A three-way tie. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: Loudest words: Stewart, eight headlines. Patrick, eight headlines. Data, eight headlines. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Data, eight times. Either Star Trek or a Tuesday. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: The Hype Index. Low resolution, high confidence, and a very polite chart. Back after this. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: Do you suffer from a sink that never quite sparkles? Ask your cupboard whether Brindle is right for you.
DR. VERA VECTOR: Brindle, the sponge that waits beside the tap in silence while you do the washing up. Gently.
DIRECTOR MARGE: Side effects include smug plates, spoon envy, sudden respect for cutlery, damp optimism, and a sink that expects a thank-you card. Ask your cupboard.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Correct! The real one. PXL made the other up over breakfast, and I will not be taking questions on the cooking show.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Ah, that one was ours. PXL made it up, and it fooled you beautifully. A cooking show, I ask you. Do have another coffee.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Time's up, and the answer sat there the whole time. The real one was the German headline. Mugs down, please.
AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles. Plain text