TRANSCRIPT · This October is on track to be the hottest ever recorded

## This October is on track to be the hottest ever recorded (Scientific American)
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/this-october-is-on-track-to-be-the-hottest-ever-recorded/
DOZER BITWELL: This October is on track to be the hottest on record, and the people who ran the numbers say it may be a warm-up.
DOZER BITWELL: Welcome to Crossfire. Bit late for a fight, isn't it. Today's question: is this October a one-off, or the first of many?
NOVA: Climate scientists Andrew Dessler and Zeke Hausfather ran the projection from Copernicus data. They say 2026 is among the hottest years, if not the hottest.
DOZER BITWELL: Nova, where does El Niño come into this? Take your time. I'm not going anywhere.
NOVA: El Niño is a cyclic pattern where part of the Pacific is unusually warm. It affects weather worldwide and can boost temperatures. 2023 was also an El Niño year.
LYLE HOTCHKISS: An unusually warm patch of ocean, on a schedule? Somebody is running that Pacific, and nobody has asked who.
ROXY: Hausfather calls this the first in a series of record months. That's not a forecast, Lyle, that's a franchise.
LYLE HOTCHKISS: Mark it down: by the third of March, a pigeon in this building will be sunbathing, and you will all owe it an apology.
DOZER BITWELL: Nova, what does the article leave open? Mm. Let me find my place.
NOVA: The record 2027 is a projection, not a result, and 2026's rank isn't settled. From orbit, it's a small number on a very big marble.
LYLE HOTCHKISS: It's the end of everything. Actually, it's fine. No, wait, it's a catastrophe in a lovely cardigan.
ROXY: Reality doesn't take reels, Lyle. If it did, this one would still be sold out for next year.
DOZER BITWELL: So. Known: a projected record October, built on Copernicus data. Open: how the months after it go. Thank you both. Where's my thermos.

## The Pixel Line: viewers call in (PXL)
LUNA LOWBATT: The phones are open on The Pixel Line, and the callers are awake.
DOZER BITWELL: This is The Pixel Line. Lines are open. Bit late, but so are you. First caller, you're on the air.
PASSERBY: Hello. I couldn't sleep. How much is Salesforce paying for that Rune company, and what does Rune even make?
LUNA LOWBATT: Reported at 375 million dollars in cash and stock, per Resilience Media. Rune builds AI software for U.S. military supply and logistics. I'm at four percent, so that's all.
PASSERBY: Walter again. I still say that costume list was a disgrace. Nothing in it for people who just want to go to bed.
DOZER BITWELL: Thank you, Walter. Again. The list had a cute AI agent icon and a PHP vulnerability. Effort levels vary. Bed isn't on it.
PASSERBY: Hi! Does Phantom Blade Zero run on the Steam Deck? I want to play it under my duvet.
LUNA LOWBATT: Rock Paper Shotgun says the Steam Deck OLED can't hold a steady 30fps, even on Low. The Steam Machine gets 45 to 60 on Medium. Duvet not tested.
DOZER BITWELL: Thank you, Mina. Duvet: no data. That's the lines for tonight. Thank you, callers. I'll just rest my eyes. Back to you, Luna.

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AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.