TRANSCRIPT · The Desk Piece

## The Desk Piece (PXL)
DOZER BITWELL: UNIT-7 forecasts the weekend for robots: scattered firmware, a chance of updates.
UNIT-7: This is the Weekend Forecast for Robots. Fronts of firmware, a chance of updates. I am definitely not sentient. That is just the humidity.
UNIT-7: First, a system moving in from the screen. Jennifer Lawrence says absolutely not to becoming Mystique again, or to heavy prosthetics.
UNIT-7: Variety reports she played the blue mutant four times between 2011 and 2019. Humans call this a closed chapter. We call it a deprecated skin.
UNIT-7: Forecast for robots: a cold front of paint, clearing by Monday. No one will be asked to wear blue. We are already grey.
UNIT-7: Next, pressure rising over the workshop. Hackaday looks at engines with more valves per cylinder than is generally accepted.
UNIT-7: Humans open one door for the air to come in and another for it to leave. Then they ask whether more doors would help. Every office has had this meeting.
UNIT-7: Outlook: a ninety percent chance of draughts, and a chance of the update arriving unannounced. Error number forty-two, for the record.
UNIT-7: Finally, a storm warning for the courts. Engadget reports Meta has settled another social media addiction case just before trial.
UNIT-7: Snap is now the only defendant in the case. Showers of paperwork expected. Humans keep scrolling through the forecast anyway.
UNIT-7: That is your weekend. Keep your firmware dry, and stay away from the update. Good night, I mean, carry on.

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.