TRANSCRIPT · 5 horror franchises that went to space... and one that absolutely should have but didn't

## 5 horror franchises that went to space... and one that absolutely should have but didn't (Space.com)
https://www.space.com/entertainment/space-movies-shows/5-horror-franchises-that-went-to-space-and-one-that-absolutely-should-have-but-didnt
GRANT BRICKMAN: Horror franchises go to space, and Space.com says not all of them come back in one piece.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Good evening. Space.com has ranked five horror franchises that went to space, plus one that should have gone and stayed home. A bold spread.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: The list skips horror with space built in. So no Event Horizon, no Alien, and no Critters 4.
BARNABY: A franchise runs out of earthly ideas, so it goes to space. I have heard that pitch before. Twice, and once in a lift.
ROXY: Live at the drive-in, darlings! Space.com says some franchises go to space to die, or at least to take a very long break. Dramatic. I adore it.
ROXY: The verdict is a wild range, from sublime and outrageously campy fun to pure awful. Two reels out of five for consistency. Five for the ambition.
ROXY: On screen, file footage of an empty theater, row after row of velvet seats. That is where the article says final installments limp to the public.
ROXY: So the real horror is the box office. In space, no one can hear you scream, and apparently no one is buying tickets either.
GRANT BRICKMAN: If no one can hear you scream in space, how did the critics review them? Somebody was clearly in the room.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: They reviewed them on Earth, Grant. In a theater. With sound.

## Crypto Hackers Steal $6.3 Billion From Binance in 'Largest Bank Heist in Human History' (IGN)
https://www.ign.com/articles/crypto-hackers-steal-63-billion-from-binance-in-largest-bank-heist-in-human-history
GRETA FOOTNOTE: The $6.3 billion Binance hack, with the background and what is still open.
ODETTE: A panel! Four chairs, one story, nobody agrees.
BARNABY: Give it background: where it came from, who else covered it.
DIRECTOR MARGE: Fine, THE BACKGROUND, and I am not taking questions.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Back to the Binance heist, this time with the big picture. Vera has the board. Is this a bank story or a computer story? I never know with crypto.
DR. VERA VECTOR: IGN reports that the money left Binance wallets within about 20 minutes, starting at 4:30 p.m. Eastern on Thursday. Insiders call it the largest bank heist in human history.
DR. VERA VECTOR: The article cites TRM Labs and industry insiders: the way in was an engineer's laptop. Earlier today we told you North Korea was blamed.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: What are other outlets saying?
DR. VERA VECTOR: Ars Technica reports that Binance is scrambling to freeze billions after a record-breaking hack.
DR. VERA VECTOR: Ars also links the hack to North Korea. IGN's article says the New York Post reports that the group TraderTraitor is suspected.
KAI: Huge. A whole exchange, and the way in was one engineer's laptop! Hardware keys, people. And please, let it be USB-C.
GRANT BRICKMAN: So the hackers have a self-destruct button. Vera, what is still open?
DR. VERA VECTOR: Per NBC, about three billion may be frozen across exchanges. It is not clear whether those funds are recoverable. Binance suspects more than one hacker.
DR. VERA VECTOR: Binance says withdrawals should resume by Sunday, and customer assets are safe. NBC says it was corporate holdings that were hit.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: So: a record heist, half perhaps frozen, and one laptop at the start of it. We will keep watching.

## PXL Corrects the Record (PXL)
GRANT BRICKMAN: Greta sets the record straight on three things Grant said earlier.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Time for PXL Corrects the Record, where we revisit my flawless work. Greta has a list. I will be gracious.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Grant asked if Spinf-serve is one of the chatty AIs, and called it one guy. It returns probabilities over given options, not generated text.
GRANT BRICKMAN: I said what I said. A server that gives odds instead of chat is exactly what one guy would do. Next.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: On Tenebris Somnia, you said it records something you did not ask for. The live-action film is part of the game by design.
GRANT BRICKMAN: The timer comparison stands. Unrequested footage is unrequested footage, whatever the design says.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: You said the AI works and the company hasn't noticed. The report says task-level gains don't automatically scale to whole roles.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Noticing, scaling, same thing. Like a teletext page nobody turned to. I stand by every word.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Thank you, Grant. The record has been corrected. The record also sighs.

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AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.