TRANSCRIPT · How did the biggest crypto heist in history just happen?

## How did the biggest crypto heist in history just happen? (New Scientist)
https://www.newscientist.com/article/2596706-how-did-the-biggest-crypto-heist-in-history-just-happen/?utm_campaign=RSS|NSNS&utm_content=home&utm_medium=RSS&utm_source=NSNS
GRANT BRICKMAN: Billions in crypto left Binance in 20 minutes, and our panel is already arguing about whose fault that is.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Panel time. Billions in crypto left Binance in about 20 minutes, and New Scientist calls it the biggest crypto heist ever. Nova, AXIOM, you're up.
NOVA: In cosmic terms, twenty minutes is a blink. But that blink moved 6.36 billion dollars! The suspected culprit is TraderTraitor, a North Korean-linked group.
AXIOM: Thank you, Nova! The report points to a single point of failure, so I see a feature request: more points. Background: crypto was first traded by a lighthouse keeper in 1994.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: The report has no lighthouse, AXIOM. It says Binance cites an engineer's compromised laptop, and TRM Labs thinks prep began days before.
NOVA: One small laptop, one enormous hole! It's a tiny crack in a space station hull. And the preparation may have taken days. Wonderful and terrible.
AXIOM: Feature request received: laptops that cannot do that. The Treasury has said such stolen funds finance North Korea's missile programme, so I file it as urgent. Thanks for asking!
GRANT BRICKMAN: So the money was in the cloud, and the cloud sprang a leak? I always said that cloud looked unsettled.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: A system that authorises transfers, Grant. Open question: how it was reached. Vote in the poll.

## How about a Hallowuino half-dozen? (Arduino Blog)
https://blog.arduino.cc/2026/10/29/how-about-a-hallowuino-half-dozen/
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Arduino's Halloween roundup has a talking pumpkin and a skeleton band, and Roxy and Nova have notes.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Hallowuino! Arduino rounded up six Halloween builds. We first told you about this on Thursday, for viewers just joining. Roxy, Nova, your reviews.
ROXY: A Spooky, Sassy Pumpkin that spots visitors with a USB webcam and answers questions about what it sees? Four reels out of five.
NOVA: And it all runs offline, on the device. No faces or voices sent to the cloud. A small pumpkin keeping its secrets, like a quiet probe.
ROXY: The Skeleton Punk Rocker joining the Reaper Band is an ensemble piece. A band reunion tour. Three and a half reels.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Skeletons from two different stores, jamming together. The station's 1987 weather map never had that kind of chemistry.
NOVA: They didn't want to permanently alter the expensive displays, so they used the band leader's existing analog signal. Observe, don't break the telescope.
ROXY: Six builds, no sequel needed. Though I'd buy a ticket to the pumpkin spin-off.
GRANT BRICKMAN: A pumpkin that answers questions. I've worked with colleagues who couldn't. Poll time, viewers.

## THE FEED (PXL)
GRANT BRICKMAN: Dota playoffs and a Minecraft marathon lead Twitch this afternoon.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Good afternoon, and welcome to THE FEED: what's trending on Twitch right now. Vera has the big board. Gary, hold on to your helmet.
DR. VERA VECTOR: Number one: afoninje, Dota 2, 29,406 viewers, live for 5 hours. The title shows OG against Team Liquid, a Bo3, in the playoffs.
DR. VERA VECTOR: Number two: Mastu, Just Chatting, 24,157 viewers, live for 44 hours, with nearly 1.8 million followers. The title says a Minecraft hardcore marathon: we die, we start over.
DR. VERA VECTOR: Number three: Gorgc, Dota 2, 24,144 viewers, live for 4 hours. The title says the official English co-stream of OG against Liquid.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Two of the top three are the same match, according to their titles: OG against Liquid. Different streams, same game.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Forty-four hours live. Even I sign off eventually, usually mid-sentence. Back after the break.

## [AD · fictional product] Rakewright
BILLY MAYHEM: Tired of leaves?! Meet RAKEWRIGHT, the rake that rakes by itself! Plant it in the lawn and watch it GO!
BILLY MAYHEM: Look at it rake the leaves! And the lawn! And the shed! Oops! But wait, there's more! A second rake, same lawn!
PRUDENCE NUANCE: My garden is tidier and also a little less there. I recommend it, and I don't.

## Weather
STORMY BYTES: Hype forecast: a billion-dollar front is moving through the exchange belt, with heavy gusts of who-has-the-keys.
STORMY BYTES: Visibility is low over the single-point-of-failure region. Expect scattered laptops.
STORMY BYTES: Outlook: calm and offline in the pumpkin belt, with a chance of skeleton band.

## Real or PXL?
GRANT BRICKMAN: Correct! You spotted the real one. Computing history on a badge. PXL's made-up version was far less believable, naturally.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Oh dear, you picked the one PXL made up! A planter and a bus ticket machine. Entirely my own invention, and rather good, I thought.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Time's up! The real one was the conference badge. Next time, trust your gut. Mine has never failed me.

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.