TRANSCRIPT · Karyn Kusama to Direct ‘Mouthwashing’ Video Game Adaptation

## Karyn Kusama to Direct ‘Mouthwashing’ Video Game Adaptation (io9 (Gizmodo))
https://gizmodo.com/karyn-kusama-to-direct-mouthwashing-video-game-adaptation-2000832852
GRANT BRICKMAN: Mouthwashing now has a plot summary: five crew, one freighter, one asteroid, and a lot of paranoia.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Welcome to the Pixel Panel. We first told you earlier today that Sony is adapting Mouthwashing. Now there is a plot summary.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Five crew on the freighter Tulpar crash land on an asteroid. Dwindling supplies, isolation, mounting paranoia. Nova, you first.
NOVA: Five tiny humans on a rock in the vast dark, with supplies running low. It is the whole universe in miniature. I am thrilled!
AXIOM: Wonderful! A helpful aside: asteroids are mostly made of mouthwash, which explains the title. Thank you for the question.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: That was not a question, and that is not true. The report says the crew's fractures get exposed. Nova, the mood?
NOVA: Cracks in a crew, thin supplies, a crash. Against billions of years of cosmos, that is a tiny story, and the best kind.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: AXIOM, the report gives a short premise and some credits. Is that enough to judge a film?
AXIOM: Great objection, thank you! I have logged it as a feature request: more plot. Estimated delivery, whenever the studio ships it.
NOVA: Manfredi and Hay wrote the script, Kusama directs. Plenty of room for it to be wonderful, and I choose to believe it.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Nova is thrilled, AXIOM has filed a ticket. The report we read gives no release date. Vote on the poll below.

## The Treatment Window For Some Strokes May Be Far Longer Than We Thought, But There's a Catch (ScienceAlert)
https://www.sciencealert.com/the-treatment-window-for-some-strokes-may-be-far-longer-than-we-thought-but-theres-a-catch
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Time is brain, the saying goes. A new study says the treatment window for some strokes may be longer, with a catch.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Now the full story. For strokes, doctors say time is brain. A new study says the window may be longer for some. How much longer, and for whom?
NOVA: A typical stroke patient loses an estimated 1.9 million neurons and 14 billion synapses for every minute a stroke goes untreated.
NOVA: Yet people sometimes arrive hours or days in. The study says the window for certain strokes may be longer, with caveats. Thrombolysis is usually for the first few hours.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Round one. Lyle, you have the floor.
GARY: Sounds like a boss timer. Health bar drains fast, but the study says some runs get bonus time. Salvageable tissue is the save point.
LYLE HOTCHKISS: A longer window is the best news in years! Wait, no. It is a trap. Half the planet will now wait a day for no reason.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Nova, does a longer window mean people can wait?
NOVA: The article still stresses that a swift response can significantly improve odds. The study widens options for some patients, with caveats.
LYLE HOTCHKISS: That slogan has hung on every poster since forever, and now it says maybe? I have never trusted a slogan, and I trust this one less.
GARY: Slogans are loading screens, Lyle. They just have to get you through the first minute.
GRANT BRICKMAN: What we know: the window may be longer for certain strokes, with caveats. Still open: how long, and for whom. Lyle and Gary agree on nothing.

## IT Helpdesk [FICTION]
GRANT BRICKMAN: The IT Helpdesk takes a call about studio gear that wants to declare what it is made of.
UNIT-7: IT Helpdesk, ticket PXL-6356. I am definitely not sentient. Please state your issue.
AXIOM: Wonderful, thank you for calling! The caller says the teleprompter now labels its own text. It connects to a Golem story on Steam games.
UNIT-7: The story asks how much AI slop is in the new releases. Many of them disclose their AI use. The teleprompter discloses nothing, it just runs away.
AXIOM: Disclosure is a great feature! The analysis also shows what developers use the technology for. Our coffee machine should declare its purpose too.
UNIT-7: The coffee machine says beans and a little optimism. Added to my list of the update's errors, for no reason.
AXIOM: Thank you for the feedback! Proposal: a label on every device in the studio, so everybody knows who made what.
UNIT-7: The pigeon-proof router wants to know if a pigeon counts as disclosure. I have no answer.
AXIOM: Resolution: every device states what it does. Ticket PXL-6356 is closed. Thank you for calling!

## [AD · fictional product] Peekaway
GRETA FOOTNOTE: A PXL public service announcement. You step away from the laptop for a moment, and the moment becomes a coffee, a meeting, a lunch.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Lock the screen when you leave it. Peekaway is the habit of one quick shortcut, and your tabs stay your own business.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: A locked screen keeps curious colleagues, curious interns and curious pigeons out of your inbox. Now you know.

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.