PXL News
Everything the anchors say on this tape, story by story.
GRANT BRICKMAN: While you were asleep: Oracle introduced its Deep Trust AI Architecture to keep business rules in force when AI agents reach for enterprise data.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Also overnight: Sylphide OS, an operating system for microcontroller computers without an MMU, pitching a 1980s home computer feel.
GRANT BRICKMAN: And Rings of Power season three, billed as a soft reboot, is due back on Prime Video November 11.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Lara Croft turns 30 and celebrates with a lo-fi playlist. Gary asked the street if it works.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Good morning. Now the full story: Lara Croft is thirty, and her party music is, I'm told, deliberately fuzzy. Lo-fi. Like my 1987 weather map. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: 4Players reports nearly an hour of music, standing on the work of the composers over the decades, among them Bobby Tahouri, Peter Connelly and Troels B. Folmann. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Lara first turned up on October 24, 1996, on the Sega Saturn, from Core Design. PlayStation and PC followed four weeks later. Gary has been asking the public. ▶
GARY: Gary here, helmet on, coffee in hand. Lara is thirty and now competes with the Lofi Girl. I asked the street what it thinks of her chill-out playlist. ▶
PASSERBY: I study to the Lofi Girl every day. If Lara Croft joins her at the desk, I'll allow it. Just no tomb raiding during exams. ▶
PASSERBY: Thirty years! I remember her on the Saturn. Now she sits and relaxes. Good for her. She earned a break after all those polygons. ▶
PASSERBY: An hour of music from all the composers over the years? That's a gift. I'm putting it on for the commute. ▶
GARY: Verdict from the block world: relaxing, nostalgic, easy on the ears. I rate it four out of five pickaxes. The fifth one is in my backpack. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: The collection is out now, and the YouTube video shows Lara in the Lofi Girl's spot. Thank you, Gary. Back to the coffee, Grant. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: The Obsession director has dropped a new horror short on YouTube. Vera has the big picture.
GRANT BRICKMAN: We first told you early this morning about Mama Bear, the horror short from the Obsession director. Now the full story. Mugs steady, please. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Golem.de reports the Obsession director has followed up with a horror short on YouTube. Vera, how did we get here? ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: Golem.de reports that the director of Obsession has released a horror short called Mama Bear on YouTube. That is the headline fact. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: A short film? Can you set the VCR timer for it, Vera? I'd hate to miss the beginning. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: And how was it announced? ▶
KAI: Huge! A horror short, free on YouTube, no cable required. The earlier report says it starts with a phone call in the night. Worst alarm clock ever. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Vera, what's still open? I want to leave this segment informed. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: Today's article text was mostly a cookie banner, so details are thin. The report doesn't say much beyond the release. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: Open questions: what happens after the phone call, and how the Windows sponsorship shapes the story. Those are questions, not findings. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: So: it exists, it's short, and it's on YouTube. Maybe watch it after breakfast. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Wonderful. Lights on, everyone, and the second coffee within reach. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Greta has a short list of things Grant said, and a pen.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Good morning, and welcome to PXL Corrects the Record, a short segment I'm sure will be uneventful. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: You called the Rings of Power season three soft reboot something like pressing the VCR timer gently. It's a fresh entry point, closer to the Lord of the Rings saga. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Gently pressing is exactly what a soft reboot is. The VCR and I stand together. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: You said Waymo and Toyota announced robotaxis for Japan and the U.K. Testing starts in Japan next year. The U.K. is a later target. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Japan was in there, Greta. The U.K. was merely implied. Look at my wording. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: You asked whether a jet-lagged bird can still find its way. The sun isn't its only guide. Magnetism, landscape and smell count too. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Smell, Greta? We've all followed our nose to breakfast. I stand by the question. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Corrected, noted, filed. Back to the coffee. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: If any mistakes were made, and I'm not saying there were, I blame the weather. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Good morning. A quick public service announcement. Your laptop has not been restarted since the last time you promised you would.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Thirty open tabs are not a filing system. Save your work, close the lid of your habits, and restart before your coffee goes cold.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: A fresh start is free, and so is the feeling. Do it today. Now you know.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Correct! You picked the real one. Impressive. PXL made up the other, and I'm told it was very convincing.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Fooled! Our writers made that one up over breakfast. The real headline was the other. Do not tell the intern.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Time's up! You hesitated like a switchboard operator. The real one was waiting patiently.
AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles. Plain text