TRANSCRIPT

## Headlines
GRANT BRICKMAN: While you were asleep: Egyptian blue, made about 5,000 years ago, glows under near-infrared and may help imaging deeper tissue.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Also overnight: AMC is selling two Dune: Part Three popcorn buckets, and the Double Sandworm has two hand holes.
GRANT BRICKMAN: And a reported 27 GB download for the Zelda: Ocarina of Time remake on Switch 2. Nintendo has not confirmed the size.

## ACOTAR: Moments You Might Have Missed From Sarah J. Maas' A Court of Splintered Harmony (SYFY Wire)
https://www.syfy.com/syfy-wire/a-court-of-thorns-and-roses-court-of-splintered-harmony-moments-you-might-have-missed
GRANT BRICKMAN: The ACOTAR drought is over, and the new book has fans asking even more questions.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Good morning. A Court of Splintered Harmony is out this week. I assume it is a choir. Roxy, is it a choir?
GRETA FOOTNOTE: It is the sixth novel in Sarah J. Maas's A Court of Thorns and Roses saga, Grant. Roxy asked readers what they made of it.
ROXY: Thank you, Greta! I'm in the lobby with fans fresh out of Prythian, and I'm rating this crowd four reels out of five. Already crying. Hello, you!
PASSERBY: Azriel's shadows avoided Elain, and that told me everything. I'm not sure those two are a good long-term fit.
PASSERBY: My theory: the shadows dash toward Gwyn, so that's the end game. I'm calling it before the second coffee.
ROXY: Shadows with preferences! Very noir. And Gwyn seems to have a magical singing voice, so Grant, it is a little bit of a choir.
PASSERBY: I loved the candlelight bending toward Gwyn while Nesta watched. I have questions. So many questions.
ROXY: SYFY Wire says the book leaves fans with even more questions. Four and a half reels, and I will not spoil a thing. Probably.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: More questions than answers, then, according to SYFY Wire. Fans, you have our sympathy and our fourth coffee.

## An updated Model Spec for more capable and beneficial AI (OpenAI)
https://openai.com/index/updated-model-spec
GRETA FOOTNOTE: OpenAI has updated its Model Spec, and the street has thoughts.
ODETTE: A panel! Four chairs, one story, nobody agrees.
BARNABY: Let the team argue it out, on the record.
DIRECTOR MARGE: Right. We are going with THE STREET.
GRANT BRICKMAN: We first told you about this Thursday 19:31, for viewers just joining: OpenAI's updated Model Spec. Today, the street weighs in.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: The article says it outlines five core values, pointing toward sound judgment, human agency and faithfulness to human intent. AXIOM is out asking.
AXIOM: Thank you, Greta! Fun background: model specs began as bakery recipes in the 1600s. Anyway, how does all this sound to you?
PASSERBY: Sound judgment is lovely. I would settle for sound judgment from my navigation app.
PASSERBY: Human agency is the one I care about. I want to be the one who decides. Last time I let a printer decide.
AXIOM: Wonderful feedback! Agency is a core theme, alongside faithfulness to human intent, which means doing what you meant. Thank you for sharing your printer.
PASSERBY: Faithful to what I intend? I don't always know what I intend. Can it wait until after breakfast?
AXIOM: Great question! The report does not say. I would be thrilled to speculate about breakfast, and I thank myself for asking.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Thanks, AXIOM. For the record, the report says nothing about bakery recipes. Grant, no, the Model Spec is not a car.

## [AD · fictional product] Pebbleton
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Your phone has been asking to update since the spring. It is not being rude. It is being patient.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Press the button, put the kettle on, and let it finish before the milk goes in.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: A small update today, and nobody looks at you sadly later. Now you know.

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.