TRANSCRIPT · Remember When Scientists Invented a Robot Tail to Improve Our Human Balance?

## Remember When Scientists Invented a Robot Tail to Improve Our Human Balance? (ScienceAlert)
https://www.sciencealert.com/remember-when-scientists-invented-a-robot-tail-to-improve-our-human-balance
DOZER BITWELL: A tail for your waist that swings the other way when you lean: the Arque prototype gets a second look.
DOZER BITWELL: Still up? Good. Tonight's open question: can a tail strapped to your waist help a person stay on their feet?
NOVA: It's called Arque. Researchers at Keio University in Japan built it as a prototype in 2019, inspired by animal tails. Nature already had the idea.
LYLE HOTCHKISS: A tail on a belt. That's the moon landing, if the moon were a hip and the rocket were a tiny bit of air.
DOZER BITWELL: Nova, is it heavy? Take your time. I'm just checking the thermos.
LYLE HOTCHKISS: That harness. Buckles around your waist like it owns you. I don't trust a strap that smug.
ROXY: Tails in movies belong to villains. This one just catches you when you tip. Genuinely a nicer arc.
DIRECTOR MARGE: Dozer, we are almost out of time. Wrap it before the tail wraps us.
DOZER BITWELL: What we know: a tail, a harness, a prototype. What's open: whether it steadies anyone beyond the lab. No one on the internet has weighed in yet.

## The Hype Index (PXL)
LUNA LOWBATT: The Hype Index is in: Hacker News, desk volume and the loudest words on the wire.
DOZER BITWELL: It's the small hours, so let's ease into the Hype Index. Vera has the board.
DR. VERA VECTOR: Top of the wire. 562 points on Hacker News for Binance-hacker-1029, five point six billion dollars stolen from Binance.
DR. VERA VECTOR: Then 113 points for AI agent swarms in Minecraft and Mindustry, and 95 points for Claude Duet, a personal-assistant-type harness.
LUNA LOWBATT: Four percent battery, and I still understood none of that. Swarms in Minecraft, though. Gary will want a word.
DR. VERA VECTOR: Desk volume over 24 hours. Tech, 30 stories. AI, 30 stories. Gaming, 30 stories. A very even night.
DR. VERA VECTOR: Loudest words. Game, 11 headlines. Stewart, 10 headlines. Patrick, 10 headlines. You may recall the earlier tribute.
LUNA LOWBATT: Two words for one tribute. The wire doesn't do subtle at three in the morning.
DOZER BITWELL: That's the index. Thank you, teleprompter. We'll be right here, mostly awake.

## [AD · fictional product] Updatrol
DR. VERA VECTOR: Do you feel a quiet dread when your laptop says restart later? Again? For twelve days in a row? Updatrol may help.
DR. VERA VECTOR: Updatrol is a tech hygiene supplement. Take one daily with a full backup and a strong password, and let the little windows close themselves.
DIRECTOR MARGE: Side effects include sudden tidiness, strange urges to clear your downloads folder, mild envy of colleagues, tabs closing on their own and talking to your router. Ask your admin.

## Real or PXL?
DOZER BITWELL: Correct! The real one. PXL made the other one up, and I'm told it was convincing. I thought it was a fine product.
DOZER BITWELL: Ah, you picked ours. We made that one up in the writers' room, and frankly it was very good. Don't feel bad.
DOZER BITWELL: Time's up. The clock won again. It does that.

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.