TRANSCRIPT · Elon Musk is ‘truly a genius,’ says Vladimir Putin

## Elon Musk is ‘truly a genius,’ says Vladimir Putin (TechCrunch)
https://techcrunch.com/2026/10/29/elon-musk-is-truly-a-genius-says-vladimir-putin/
DOZER BITWELL: Breaking: Vladimir Putin calls Elon Musk a genius and says the two are in close contact about satellites.
DOZER BITWELL: Breaking news. This just landed, and I am wide awake for it. Vladimir Putin has been talking about Elon Musk.
LUNA LOWBATT: We first told you on Tuesday that Musk said Ukraine's military violated Starlink's terms of service. Now Putin has put Musk on the record too.
DOZER BITWELL: Kai is at the data center. Kai, what are we looking at? Thank you, teleprompter.
KAI: Huge, and brand new. At the Russia-Africa Summit on Wednesday, Putin said he and Musk are in close contact about Rassvet.
KAI: Rassvet is Russia's answer to Starlink. Putin said, quote, Elon Musk is a genius, truly a genius.
KAI: This is file footage of satellite dishes and server racks. Putin said Musk has more than 5,000 such satellites in orbit, while Russia is taking first steps.
KAI: TechCrunch says Musk has voiced frustration with Zelenskyy. After the U.S. eased sanctions, Ukrainian officials worried about losing Starshield.
KAI: For about ten days this month Ukrainian drones lost connectivity often. The Wall Street Journal says Musk ordered the limit. Other reports say the White House did.
LUNA LOWBATT: The report doesn't say what the close contact actually involves. Four percent battery, and that is the question I'm left with.
DOZER BITWELL: More as it comes in. I'll keep the thermos warm. Back to you, Luna.

## The Pixel Line: viewers call in (PXL)
LUNA LOWBATT: The Pixel Line is open: viewers call in about the week's stories.
DOZER BITWELL: This is The Pixel Line. The phones are open, it's late, and somebody is calling. Hello?
PASSERBY: Hi. Can Gemini really edit my spreadsheets inside the chat now? I'm on my phone.
LUNA LOWBATT: The Verge says Docs, Sheets, slides and code open in the chat. On mobile only PDFs work for now. The rest is web only.
PASSERBY: I read the 3D scanner review. Can I put it on my shelf and scan things without a computer?
DOZER BITWELL: Hackster.io says the Elegoo M1 Ultra cannot run standalone. It needs a PC over Wi-Fi, or a USB-C cable. Bit of a shelf ornament, Heinz.
PASSERBY: Still waiting for an apology about the microcontroller desktop thing. Looked like an old Macintosh. I've said this before.
LUNA LOWBATT: Hackaday says SylphideOS pairs a GUI that owes a lot to the early Macintosh with the FreeRTOS kernel. No apology on file, Margot.
DOZER BITWELL: Thank you, callers. Lines stay open. I'll hold the receiver until it gets heavy.

## [AD · fictional product] Latchley
LUNA LOWBATT: A public service announcement. Your screen is awake when you walk away. Anyone passing can read your messages.
LUNA LOWBATT: Press the lock shortcut before you stand up. It takes less time than choosing a snack.
LUNA LOWBATT: Lock the screen. Then go get the snack. Now you know.

## Real or PXL?
DOZER BITWELL: Correct! The real one. PXL made the other up over a cup of coffee, and I still believe it.
DOZER BITWELL: Ah, you picked ours! We invented that one. Quite convincing, I wrote it myself. Mostly.
DOZER BITWELL: Time's up! Even the fax machine would have answered by now.

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.