PXL News

TRANSCRIPT

Everything the anchors say on this tape, story by story.

Birds can get jet lag on long, fast flights and then fly off course (New Scientist)

GRANT BRICKMAN: Even feathers get jet lag: a seabird's body clock slips on fast Atlantic flights, and it veers off course.

GRANT BRICKMAN: Good evening. Our top story: birds with jet lag. Like my VCR timer, always an hour off. Nova, are the birds flying jets? ▶

NOVA: Not jets, Grant! Manx shearwaters, small seabirds, get jet lag on fast flights across the Atlantic. No plane required! ▶

NOVA: Their body clocks drift from local time by more than an hour. Then they make navigational errors and veer away from the most direct path. ▶

PASSERBY: A bird with jet lag? Finally, somebody who understands my whole week. ▶

NOVA: Patrick Lewin at the University of Oxford says it is exactly the same process that causes jet lag in people. Tiny wings, cosmic problem. ▶

DIRECTOR MARGE: Nova, we are off in thirty seconds. Wrap it up before your body clock does. ▶

NOVA: Other long-distance fliers may get it too, possibly insects and bats. Whoa, was that the rocket? ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: The researchers avoid the phrase jet lag, because people link it to health effects, not just the clock shift itself. ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: So the pilots were geese all along. I have always said so, and I stand by it. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: Nobody said that, Grant. The birds just need a nap. So do we all. ▶

Exploring What’s Left of Google’s VR Dreams (Hackaday)

GRETA FOOTNOTE: Google once built a stand-alone VR headset a year before the Oculus Quest. Hackaday remembers it.

GRETA FOOTNOTE: Good evening. This is The Big Picture: what is left of Google's virtual reality dreams, and where it started. ▶

DR. VERA VECTOR: Hackaday reports it began with Cardboard: a phone stuck to the head with basic optics. Then came Daydream, with VR tweaks to Android and a 3D Play Store. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: And the headsets that did not need a phone strapped inside? ▶

DR. VERA VECTOR: In 2018 Google and Lenovo made the Mirage Solo, a stand-alone Daydream headset at $399. That was a year before the Oculus Quest hit the market. ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: A year early! That is the difference between a pioneer and a person standing in the wrong room. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: The article also mentions a Business Edition. Who was that for? ▶

DR. VERA VECTOR: Schools, offices and hospitals. The idea was VR content without being tethered to a computer. ▶

DR. VERA VECTOR: What the article does not say, at least in what we have: why it faded, or how many were sold. Those are the open questions. ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: So the dream is in a drawer. Drawers are where dreams go to be rediscovered by a hobbyist. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: That is roughly what Hackaday is doing. Fair enough, Grant. ▶

IT Helpdesk [FICTION]

GRANT BRICKMAN: IT Helpdesk takes a call about a broken router and an Archive of Our Own outage.

UNIT-7: IT Helpdesk, ticket PXL-4047. State your problem. Briefly. I am definitely not sentient.

AXIOM: Hello! The caller says the pigeon-proof router is offline. How wonderful, an outage! Thank you for calling!

UNIT-7: It is the same as the story today. Archive of Our Own, the home of fan fiction readers and writers, says it could be offline for a while.

AXIOM: An outage is when a service is unavailable, which I can explain at length. The headline names a limit on how long. Thank you for the question!

UNIT-7: The headline gives a limit. Tickets never do. The caller asks when the router returns. I have no estimate.

AXIOM: I have also escalated the coffee machine to top priority. The community waits, and so do we, legacy hardware.

UNIT-7: Resolution: the router is unplugged, the readers and writers stay patient, and the pigeon wins this round.

AXIOM: Ticket PXL-4047 is closed. Thank you for choosing the helpdesk!

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AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles. Plain text