TRANSCRIPT · Udderly Fantastic Game Controller

## Udderly Fantastic Game Controller (Make:)
https://makezine.com/projects/udderly-fantastic-game-controller/
GRANT BRICKMAN: Breaking: a game controller shaped like a cow udder, and yes, you squeeze to the beat.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Breaking news this hour, and I say it with a straight face: somebody has built a video game controller out of a cow udder.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Make reports it's a squishy silicone controller for an indie game. Four teats, each one a button. Please stop saying udder like it's a bulletin.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Squeeze, and something comes out, and nobody explains the charge. It's the hotel minibar. Over to Ada Flux at the makerspace.
ADA: Breaking from the bench! The maker built a miniature cow arcade cabinet with a rhythm game called Udder Mayhem, inspired by Rhythm Heaven Fever.
ADA: It started in 2023 in an NYU class called the New Arcade. The midterm was a Unity game plus an alternative controller. Each teat is a key press!
ADA: On screen, the cow arcade cabinet, four squeezable teats on the front. Silicone and force-sensitive resistors. Look at that soft-material work!
ADA: The maker tried conductive fabric, resistive stuffing, a microphone and a straw, and Hall effect sensors. For those, magnets went into the silicone during casting.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: The article cuts off before the verdict on the sensors, so we can't tell you how that worked out. We'll keep reading.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Four buttons, squeezed to the beat. Greta, in all my years, I never expected the arcade to have a barn door.

## I Miss McFarlane’s Game-Changing Toy Line Movie Maniacs (io9 (Gizmodo))
https://gizmodo.com/i-miss-mcfarlanes-game-changing-toy-line-movie-maniacs-2000831471
GRETA FOOTNOTE: A writer misses the 1998 horror figures that changed collecting. Was it history or just nostalgia?
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Tonight's question: io9 misses McFarlane's Movie Maniacs. Real game-changer for collectors, or just a very good mall memory?
ROXY: The line began in 1998 from McFarlane Toys: 6 inch figures of horror film characters. Among the first were Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger and Leatherface. Five reels for the lineup.
ROXY: Each came with its weapons and a mini display of its movie poster, for around $20. Not a $5 G.I. Joe, not a $500 statue. Oh, the poster!
LYLE HOTCHKISS: A Leatherface in a shopping mall for twenty dollars? That is the Gutenberg Bible with a chainsaw.
PRUDENCE NUANCE: Game-changer, or good timing? The writer says in 1998 nothing like it sat on a mall shelf.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Roxy, what does the writer say it meant to them?
ROXY: A bridge from childhood to adulthood in collecting. And the writer says that in 2026 the whole idea sounds kind of normal.
LYLE HOTCHKISS: Why did a generation suddenly hold a tiny Freddy by the ankles? Somebody wanted that. Ask who made the pegs.
PRUDENCE NUANCE: Everybody forgot the peg. The writer says that's where life changed.
LYLE HOTCHKISS: Of course it matters, it's the cornerstone of... well, actually it's a toy. But the poster! The poster matters.
PRUDENCE NUANCE: Both: the writer calls it normal now and still misses it. Misses is doing the heavy lifting.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: What we know: Movie Maniacs launched in 1998 with Jason, Freddy and Leatherface. What's open: figures or memory? No discussion has formed online yet.

## [AD · fictional product] Tarmacly
BILLY MAYHEM: Stuck at the gate? Seats too hard? Meet TARMACLY, the inflatable departure lounge that fits in your coat pocket!
BILLY MAYHEM: Pull the tab, it puffs into a full armchair in seconds! Whoa, it's drifting toward gate B! But wait, there's more: it comes with its own tiny announcement!
PRUDENCE NUANCE: I sat on it for a whole delay. It was either wonderful or fine, and I'd tell you which, but I'm still sitting.

## Weather
STORMY BYTES: London: 14 degrees, mainly clear. Today's high 16, low 12, chance of rain 10 percent, overcast. A bold forecast of nearly nothing.
STORMY BYTES: Paris: 10 degrees and a clear sky now. High 16, low 6, chance of rain 0 percent, with fog on the day. The fog is shy.
STORMY BYTES: Berlin: 10 degrees, overcast. High 12, low 4, chance of rain 8 percent, and drizzle. The sky is thinking about it.
STORMY BYTES: Madrid: 16 degrees and overcast now. High 22, low 8, chance of rain 0 percent. Warm for a cloud.
STORMY BYTES: Rome: 13 degrees, mainly clear. High 21, low 7, chance of rain 0 percent, with fog on the day. Even fog gets a nice view.

## Real or PXL?
GRANT BRICKMAN: Correct! The real one has a price tag you could rent a small barn with. PXL made up the other, and rather well.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Fooled! PXL made that one up, a Brindlefox of a headline. Do not feel bad, it nearly fooled me, and I read it aloud.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Time's up! The answer sat there, patient as a fax machine. Next time, pick one.

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.