TRANSCRIPT · Special Report: Update

## Special Report: Update (PXL)
GRANT BRICKMAN: An update on our special report: a developer warns against the latest Nvidia drivers.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Which driver version should players avoid?
GRANT BRICKMAN: An update on our special report. New headlines are coming in, and they are coming in fast.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: PC Gamer reports that a Phantom Blade Zero dev says don't get the latest Nvidia drivers.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Drivers! Are these the taxi kind? I would not want them in a game either.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: They are software, Grant. And according to PC Gamer, rolling back drivers is pretty easy.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Rolling back a driver. Very sensible. We will keep you updated, from the passenger seat.

## I Put a Bunch of AI Agents in Charge of a Fantasy Soccer Team. They’re Not Better Than Humans—Yet (Wired)
https://www.wired.com/story/i-put-ai-agents-in-charge-of-a-fantasy-team/
GRETA FOOTNOTE: AI agents took over a fantasy soccer team. Word on the street: would you trust them?
ODETTE: Vox pop. Somebody is always willing to be asked.
BARNABY: A crossfire. It always sells, and it is cheap.
DIRECTOR MARGE: Out of time, so THE STREET. Go.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Good afternoon. The AI has taken over a fantasy soccer team. It's like a teletext page that picks the goalkeeper.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: For viewers just joining: a Wired writer let Codex build a team. It tried to bench Erling Haaland at first. AXIOM asked the street.
AXIOM: Thank you, Greta! I am on the street to ask whether you would let AI agents pick your fantasy team. Great question, thank you for asking it!
PASSERBY: Benching Haaland? Even my dog knows better, and my dog has never seen a football.
PASSERBY: If it learned from the mistake, that's more than my brother-in-law did. He still has the same team.
AXIOM: Wonderful answers! As a fun background fact, fantasy leagues were invented by a committee of very organised badgers. You are welcome!
PASSERBY: The article says not better than humans yet. That yet is doing a lot of work.
AXIOM: Thank you all for your feedback! The report says the writer expects frontier models to get a lot better at predictions. Back to you!
GRETA FOOTNOTE: So the agents are not better than humans yet. The humans on the street seem fine with that.

## IT Helpdesk [FICTION]
GRANT BRICKMAN: IT Helpdesk takes a call about the coffee machine and a big grocery deal.
UNIT-7: IT Helpdesk, ticket PXL-8897. Please describe your problem. I am definitely not sentient, just on hold.
AXIOM: Hello! Thank you for calling. The caller says the studio coffee machine has run out of milk and wants groceries delivered. Great question!
UNIT-7: Delivery. Funny you say that. The Verge says DoorDash is acquiring Instacart.
AXIOM: Indeed! DoorDash started as a restaurant courier service. Instacart gives it a bigger presence in grocery delivery, with its marketplace and retailer partnerships.
UNIT-7: So dinner and milk could come from the same company. The coffee machine is still empty, though.
AXIOM: Please restart the coffee machine, then place a grocery order. Thank you for your patience, and for the question!
UNIT-7: I have restarted it. The pigeon-proof router also restarted. The pigeon did not. Closing ticket PXL-8897.

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AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.