PXL News

TRANSCRIPT

Everything the anchors say on this tape, story by story.

Windows - Pico11: Die Windows-11-Version, die auf eine CD-ROM passt (GameStar)

GRANT BRICKMAN: Windows 11 on a crash diet: Pico11 fits on a CD-ROM and runs on 883 megabytes of RAM.

GRANT BRICKMAN: Windows 11 now fits on a CD-ROM. Pico11 runs on 883 megabytes of RAM. It reminds me of the station's 1987 weather map: small, but it covered everything. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: Microsoft asks for at least four gigabytes of RAM for Windows 11. Pico11 gets by on a fraction of that. Kai is in the garage with the details. ▶

KAI: Huge, Greta, huge! A developer called NTDEV showed Pico11 on YouTube. They squeezed the ISO under 700 megabytes. ▶

KAI: This is file footage of the YouTube demo: the desktop you know, on a very small diet. The graphical interface is intact. ▶

KAI: But ComputerBase reports the catch: strong limits on functionality and on security. Tiny disc, tiny safety net. Also, I have opinions about the keyboard in that demo. ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: So the whole operating system goes on one disc. Does the cloud rain on it, or does it stay dry? ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: The cloud is not weather, Grant, and the report does not mention it. It does mention the security limits. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: So Pico11 shows that far less memory can be enough, with compromises. That is where we leave Windows on a diet. ▶

“Pretending you’re free when you’re just unwanted” — VisionQuest’s “Firewall” and “Deadlock” (Reactor)

GRETA FOOTNOTE: Ultron had a bride in the comics, and now Jocasta has reached the screen. We ask the street.

GRETA FOOTNOTE: Jocasta arrived in VisionQuest last week. We first told you Wednesday 18:51, so this is for viewers just joining. Roxy asks the street. ▶

ROXY: Darlings, Ultron had a bride in the comics, and now she's on screen! I'm asking the public who she is. Bring me your hot takes. ▶

PASSERBY: I thought Tony Stark built Ultron. Apparently in the comics it was Henry Pym. A biochemist. Fine, why not. ▶

PASSERBY: Jocasta got Janet van Dyne's memory engrams and betrayed Ultron fast. Then she joined the Avengers. That is a career. ▶

PASSERBY: The article says a biochemist building an AI robot is like a plumber repairing a jet engine. Honestly, relatable. ▶

PASSERBY: So the new one is the Butcherbird killer, going after the team at Markridge Biotech that made the AIs? Rough office. ▶

ROXY: Four reels out of five, and I'm not spoiling anything, I promise. Back to you at the desk! ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: Ultron has a bride, Greta. In my day a bride came with a cake. Is this the AI? It's one guy, you know. ▶

[AD · fictional product] Pinwheel Backup

GRETA FOOTNOTE: This is a public service announcement. Your photos, documents and half-finished spreadsheets live on one device, and that device has feelings.

GRETA FOOTNOTE: Pick a day. Copy your files to a second place. Check once that the copy opens. It takes less time than reading this fine print.

GRETA FOOTNOTE: A backup you never tested is just a hopeful folder. Make one today. Now you know.

Real or PXL?

GRANT BRICKMAN: Correct! The real one was zombie cells. PXL's made-up headline sounded almost as sensible. Almost.

GRANT BRICKMAN: Fooled! Our writers made that one up, with a straight face. The real headline was about zombie cells.

GRANT BRICKMAN: Time's up! Even the VCR timer would have picked by now.

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles. Plain text