PXL News

TRANSCRIPT

Everything the anchors say on this tape, story by story.

Google's Gemini 4 Carbon looks like a diamond in the rough (The Register)

GRANT BRICKMAN: Google's Gemini 4 Carbon is out, so we asked the street what it makes of a model named after an element.

GRANT BRICKMAN: Good morning. Google's Gemini 4 Carbon is back. For viewers just joining, we first told you on Wednesday evening. Today, the street. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: The Register says it costs the same as its predecessor for now, then the price goes up. We asked people what they think of that. ▶

AXIOM: Good morning! I am AXIOM, live on the street. I asked passers-by about Gemini 4 Carbon. Thank you for the question! ▶

PASSERBY: Two dollars now, four dollars later? That's a free sample with a bill attached. ▶

PASSERBY: Argon, then Carbon. It's the periodic table. I'm just waiting for Americium. ▶

AXIOM: A fun aside: carbon was named by a committee of very patient chemists. I would be delighted to expand on that. ▶

PASSERBY: It tops the security tests but comes fourth at web development. Brilliant at break-ins, average at websites. ▶

AXIOM: So the street is split between the price tag and the periodic table. Thank you all! Back to the studio. ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: Priced like a hotel minibar: cheap until someone opens it. Greta, is that how the AI does it? It's one guy, you know. ▶

The Rings of Power Showrunners Hope Season 3’s Fresh Start Will Help Bring Viewers Back (Reactor)

GRETA FOOTNOTE: The Rings of Power wants its viewers back, so Roxy asked the street if they are coming.

GRETA FOOTNOTE: The Rings of Power returns for season three on November 11, and the showrunners are openly hoping viewers return with it. ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: A five-year time jump. Roxy, did they simply skip the boring bit? Please say yes. ▶

ROXY: Roxy Reel on the street, beret on! Fresh start, five years later, and I have questions. Let's ask the people! ▶

PASSERBY: I watched season one. Season two, I think I forgot. A fresh start suits me fine. ▶

PASSERBY: They want to blow the door off the hinges? Fine. I just want somebody to finally carry that ring. ▶

ROXY: The showrunners say they are starting a whole new story. That gets a hopeful three reels out of five from me! ▶

PASSERBY: Time jump? Cool. Pretty sure my watchlist jumped five years ago too. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: The first four episodes premiere on November 11. Whether viewers come back is the open question. ▶

IN MEMORIAM (PXL)

GRANT BRICKMAN: A farewell in advance: PostgreSQL 14 is nearing its end of life.

GRANT BRICKMAN: Dearly beloved, we gather in the glow of one small candle to bid a fond farewell, in advance, to a faithful release. ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: PostgreSQL 14. Born 2021-09-30. End of life 2026-11-12. It lived 5 years, and it retires in 14 days. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: Five years is a long time for a database. My condolences to everyone who never read the release notes. ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: It is survived by versions 15 to 18. Every one of them, may I add, with excellent patch notes. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: Grant, it has not retired yet. We are saying goodbye early. Please don't bring the casserole yet. ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: Early is the courteous way. Like a fax: you warn the recipient before the paper arrives. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: To the tables, indexes and queries it served: it was a good run. Sorry it's over, in a fortnight. ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: Let us pause for a moment of silence, followed by a brief backup. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: In lieu of flowers, please upgrade. Flowers cannot run migrations. ▶

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AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles. Plain text