PXL News
Everything the anchors say on this tape, story by story.
GRANT BRICKMAN: While you were asleep: Turtle Beach unveiled the Stealth Flip controller, with a module that rotates on its own.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: A hacker published personal data on more than 40,000 Homeland Security staffers, including names, job titles and work contact details.
GRANT BRICKMAN: And Alphabet shares fell almost ten percent after it said AI Mode searches earn less than ads.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Season two of HBO's Harry Potter is adding faces, and Roxy has the cast list.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Good morning. Second coffee in, and the wizards are back on the call sheet. Roxy has the Harry Potter season two news. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Deadline reports HBO's Harry Potter series keeps adding to its season two cast. Production hopes to start this fall. No release date yet. ▶
BARNABY: A second year at the same school, more faces on the call sheet. I have heard this pitch before. It always sells. ▶
ROXY: Four reels out of five, and nothing has even screened! Bonnie Hill takes over Ginny Weasley from Gracie Cochrane, who stepped away due to unforeseen circumstances. ▶
ROXY: Lenny Rush plays Dobby, the house-elf. Billy Barratt plays young Tom Riddle, and holds the record as the youngest International Emmy winner. Chamber of Secrets, darling! ▶
ROXY: On screen now: the cast comparison photos, who plays who in the show against the films. Sorting hats optional. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Greta, season one isn't even out and we're on season two? Somebody has skipped ahead in the book. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: The plan is accelerated, Grant. Production aims to start season two this fall, ahead of season one's premiere. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Wonderful. A sequel with your toast. Lovely way to start the day. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: NASA's new UV telescope UVEX is set for 2031, and the night sky is busier than it looks.
ODETTE: A panel! Four chairs, one story, nobody agrees. ▶
BARNABY: How we got here, in one tidy explainer. ▶
DIRECTOR MARGE: Put THE BACKGROUND on the board. Yes, that one. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Good morning. Ultraviolet. That's what the sunglasses are for, isn't it? Today it's a telescope. Greta? ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: For viewers just joining: NASA has committed to launching UVEX, the UltraViolet EXplorer, in 2031. Let's give it some background. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Vera, how did we get here? Is there a predecessor, or did NASA just wake up one morning and want UV? ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: There is a predecessor. GALEX, whose mission ended in 2013. The article says UVEX is about 100 times more powerful. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: The article's pitch is that the night sky only looks quiet because we see visible light. Stellar flares and exploding stars reveal themselves fully in UV. ▶
NOVA: Calamitous events, nearly continuous, and we have been looking with the wrong eyes! Put that against the age of the universe and it is wonderful. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Vera, are other outlets reporting anything nearby? ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: Space.com reports NASA has officially ended the mission of its Swift Observatory, after a private satellite failed to meet up with the aging spacecraft in orbit. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: So the old one retires and the new one steps in. Neat handover, Greta. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Different missions, Grant. Swift is its own story. Nobody said UVEX replaces it. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: Vera, what's still open? ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: The report gives no cost figure. And 2031 is a commitment, not a flight. A lot can happen between a commitment and a launch. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: UVEX will survey in UV to complement infrared surveys by other telescopes. What it will actually find is the open question. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: The Hype Index is in: Google is the loudest word on the wire.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Time for the Hype Index, our market report on hype. Vera, show us what the wire is excited about this morning. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: Top of the wire. 268 points on Hacker News for Qwenputer, a functioning, deterministic RISC-V CPU inside Qwen3.5. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: Then 251 points for StackOverflow now gets fewer than 1000 questions a month. And 221 for Dayjob: Tax, evaluating AI agents on 50 professional tax assignments. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: A computer inside the AI. Greta, I always said the AI is one guy. Now he has a flat. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: Desk volume over 24 hours. Tech, 30 stories. AI, 30 stories. Gaming, 30 stories. ▶
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Perfectly even. Either a balanced newsroom or a very tidy spreadsheet. ▶
DR. VERA VECTOR: Loudest words. Google, 13 headlines. Gemini, 8 headlines. Open, 7 headlines. ▶
GRANT BRICKMAN: I am fairly sure Trenchcoat is one man in a long coat. Greta says it is three.
GRANT BRICKMAN: The one on the left is the cloud. I can tell. It is walking funny.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Trenchcoat. Three models. One coat.
STORMY BYTES: Good morning. The hype climate is bright over Google, with a front of Gemini moving in from the west.
STORMY BYTES: Open is hanging around as scattered headlines. Expect brief showers of benchmarks.
STORMY BYTES: The long range outlook: a high pressure system called 2031, when a telescope finally launches.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Correct! The real one. I knew it at once. Mylar, the stuff of my youth, in space.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Fooled! PXL made that one up, and a fine job we did. Mylar was the real one.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Time's up! Even the moon can't wait this long, and it's very patient.
AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles. Plain text