PXL News

TRANSCRIPT

Everything the anchors say on this tape, story by story.

TANUKI: Pon's Summer Game Launches on November 10 (Anime News Network)

DOZER BITWELL: A lazy tanuki with a Post Office job has a shrine to fix, and a launch date of November 10.

DOZER BITWELL: Welcome to Crossfire. A tanuki with a Post Office job has a shrine to fix. Can a bit lazy hero save the summer? Gary, what do we know? ▶

GARY: Kyoto indie studio Denkiworks announced TANUKI: Pon's Summer at Nintendo's Indie World Showcase on Wednesday. It launches November 10. ▶

GARY: Switch, Switch 2, PS4, PS5, Xbox Series X|S, Game Pass and PC on Steam. You play Pon, a well meaning tanuki who is, in fairness, a bit lazy. ▶

GARY: The Tanuki Festival is a month away and the shrine is in disrepair. Deliver letters, make friends, collect hats. Four hearts out of five. ▶

LYLE HOTCHKISS: Fixing a shrine before a festival? That is the Apollo program with a hat budget, and nobody is counting the stamps. ▶

NOVA: Rex, a shrine, a festival and a month on the clock. Stars take longer to light up, and Pon only has hats to collect! ▶

LYLE HOTCHKISS: The Post Office gets a hero and a launch date. Mine has had a parcel stuck since spring and sent me a sorry card. ▶

NOVA: Letters delivered across town, one at a time. Light needs years to cross space. Pon only has to beat the end of summer! ▶

LUNA LOWBATT: Pausing to charge. The article says the shrine is in disrepair and the festival is a month away. Carry on, I'll be right here. ▶

LYLE HOTCHKISS: A summer game launching in November. Somebody moved summer, and I want to see the Showcase paperwork. ▶

NOVA: On this many platforms, a small tanuki travels farther than any probe I have ever watched leave the pad. ▶

LYLE HOTCHKISS: By December, every desk in this building will wear a tiny hat. Write down the third. ▶

NOVA: Whatever the calendar says, a festival is a festival. Pon has a shrine to mend and a whole universe of hats. ▶

DOZER BITWELL: So. Known: November 10, a Kyoto studio, a post office and a shrine in disrepair. Open: whether the shrine is ready for the festival. Nobody agreed. ▶

The Hype Index (PXL)

LUNA LOWBATT: The Hype Index: Hacker News, desk volume and the loudest words on the wire.

DOZER BITWELL: It's time for the Hype Index. Vera has the big board, and I have a thermos. We both brought what we could. ▶

DR. VERA VECTOR: Top of the wire. 192 points on Hacker News for Dayjob: Tax, which evaluates AI agents on 50 professional tax assignments. ▶

DR. VERA VECTOR: Next, 95 points for the Formlabs Studio 1, a 699 dollar resin printer. And 68 points for the case of the 9 bit AES key. ▶

DR. VERA VECTOR: Desk volume over 24 hours: tech, 30 stories. AI, 30 stories. Gaming, 30 stories. A very even night. ▶

LUNA LOWBATT: Thirty, thirty, thirty. Someone is balancing the desks while we sleep. I respect that. ▶

DR. VERA VECTOR: Loudest words: Google in 12 headlines. Gemini and games, 7 headlines each. ▶

DOZER BITWELL: Google, Gemini, games. That's the hype for tonight. Let's ease out of this one. ▶

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MAUD: Ghosted. Your bot writes. Theirs rejects. We will circle back. They will not.

Weather

STORMY BYTES: London first: 12 degrees now, overcast, wind 7 kilometres an hour. High 17, low 12, and a 0 percent chance of rain. A grey blanket.

STORMY BYTES: Paris: 9 degrees and fog, wind 1 kilometre an hour. Today high 15, low 6, 0 percent chance of rain. The fog is not in a hurry.

STORMY BYTES: Berlin: 6 degrees, clear sky, wind 5 kilometres an hour. High 12, low 5, and a 3 percent chance of light rain showers.

STORMY BYTES: Madrid: 10 degrees, clear sky, wind 5 kilometres an hour. High 22, low 8, 0 percent chance of rain. A big swing by afternoon.

STORMY BYTES: Rome to finish: 10 degrees, mainly clear, wind 3 kilometres an hour. High 21, low 8, 0 percent chance of rain. Partly cloudy today.

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles. Plain text