TRANSCRIPT · Special Report

## Special Report (PXL)
GRANT BRICKMAN: Breaking: Apple's first touchscreen MacBook Pro is here, and four outlets have opinions on the wording.
GRANT BRICKMAN: We interrupt this broadcast: Apple has announced a MacBook Pro you can touch.
GRANT BRICKMAN: We interrupt your evening for a Special Report. Apple has announced a MacBook Pro with a touchscreen, and four outlets are already on it.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: It is the first MacBook Pro with a touchscreen, shown at Apple's Pro and Tell event. We read the coverage so you do not have to.
GRANT BRICKMAN: A touchscreen on a laptop! The teletext page never answered when I touched it. Apparently this one does.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Grant, a teletext page was a television.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Same principle. Over to Kai, live, before anyone checks.
KAI: Huge news, Grant. Engadget got hands-on time and says it feels like a MacBook Pro, only thinner, lighter, with a much better screen.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Kai, does Engadget say Apple reinvented anything?
KAI: Not the wheel, per Engadget. Same 14 and 16 inch sizes, same set of ports, keyboard and trackpad like the 2021 redesign. I have opinions on those ports. Huge ones.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: Outlets word it differently. IGN: "Apple Announces Its First Touchscreen MacBook". Engadget says familiar and radically improved. Golem leads with the price.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Golem says the first Touch-Mac costs up to 16,099 euros. I would like a word with whoever touched the price first.
NOVA: ComputerBase calls it Apple's biggest display overhaul in years: an OLED touch display marketed as PROLED XDR. Up to 2,000 nits of peak brightness!
NOVA: And a contrast ratio of 10 million to one. That is a lot of darkness next to a lot of light. Very cosmic. Please do not launch anything.
UNIT-7: Golem reports up to 16,099 euros. As a reassigned, definitely not sentient robot, I note that is a lot of money to touch a screen.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: One detail differs. Engadget says the event was in Los Angeles. IGN says Cupertino. The reports do not settle it, and neither will we.
GRANT BRICKMAN: Cupertino is in Los Angeles. Everybody knows that.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: It is not, Grant. Moving on.
GRETA FOOTNOTE: What we know: a touchscreen MacBook Pro, an OLED display, a price up to 16,099 euros per Golem. What we do not know: where the event was held.

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AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles.