PXL News

TRANSCRIPT

Everything the anchors say on this tape, story by story.

Working PS4 dashboard ported to Roblox alongside games like Undertale (GamesRadar)

GRANT BRICKMAN: Breaking: someone built a working PS4 menu inside Roblox, and a takedown hasn't ended it.

GRANT BRICKMAN: Breaking news at this hour. A working PlayStation 4 dashboard has turned up inside Roblox. Now the full story. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: A Roblox game called PlayStation Experience had a full boot-up screen and a home menu. The games on it actually play. ▶

GRANT BRICKMAN: So the PlayStation lives in the Roblox now. Is that one of those cloud arrangements, Greta? ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: No, Grant. It is a game inside a game. Over to Gary. ▶

GARY: Gary here in the block world. I'd rate the boot-up screen nine out of ten loading bars. Night is falling, but the menu looks great. ▶

GARY: Content creator KreekCraft highlighted it. The menu holds Five Nights at Freddy's, Undertale, The Simpsons Hit & Run, and even Roblox itself. ▶

GARY: On this footage you can see the home menu with the games lined up like a console screen. Roblox, inside Roblox, inside a PlayStation. Nesting level: lava. ▶

GARY: Eurogamer tried the Hit & Run version and says it is mostly identical to the original release. Bonus points for that. ▶

GARY: The game was taken down quickly. But the lead of developer Redwing Works isn't backing down. Side quest unlocked. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: The article says it can't imagine Sony being pleased. The report doesn't say what happens next. ▶

Hochenergie-Pouchzellen erreichen über 1.000 Vollzyklen (Elektronik Praxis)

GRETA FOOTNOTE: Silicon battery cells have lasted over 1,000 full cycles, if you squeeze them just right.

GRANT BRICKMAN: Batteries now. Ada Flux asked the public what they know about silicon in a battery. Ada, go ahead. ▶

ADA: Huge news for tinkerers! Fraunhofer ISE ran silicon-rich 25 amp-hour pouch cells for over 1,000 full cycles. Over 83 percent capacity was left. Let's ask the street. ▶

PASSERBY: A thousand full cycles? My phone gives up after one bad day. I'd settle for lasting until lunch. ▶

ADA: The key was mechanical pressure, 1,000 kPa on the cells. Silicon swells when charging, and that wears out the electrode structure. ▶

PASSERBY: So the battery needs a firm hug to stay healthy? I know that feeling. Does it also need coffee? ▶

PASSERBY: Forty layers in one cell? That's a lot of layers. I'm still working on three layers in winter. ▶

ADA: Clever, right? The anode is a silicon-carbon and graphite mix, with a nickel-rich cathode. Anode and cathode foils are commercially available. ▶

PASSERBY: As long as it doesn't catch fire in my bag, I'm in. Give me the silicon, I'll hold it tight. ▶

GRETA FOOTNOTE: The report says pressure made the difference. Silicon holds more charge, but only if you keep it squeezed. Relatable. ▶

The Gallery [FICTION]

GRANT BRICKMAN: A quick peek into the control room, where nothing is calm.

DIRECTOR MARGE: Standby, everyone. That last one, Europe should make AI prove its value before giving it priority on the grid, ran long.

PASSERBY: Sorry! Which button is the long one? I pressed the one that says lunch.

DIRECTOR MARGE: That's talkback! Let go of it! And tell the pigeon on Camera 2 it is not a camera operator.

PASSERBY: I did. It pecked the tally light. Is green live? Or is green coffee?

DIRECTOR MARGE: Red is live! Everybody breathe. Cue the desk. Smile with your voices.

DIRECTOR MARGE: We are out of time. Back to the studio, and nobody touch the big button.

[AD · fictional product] Hatchway

GRANT BRICKMAN: Friends, when did you last restart your phone? If the answer is a long time ago, your phone has been waiting for a break.

GRANT BRICKMAN: Restart it once in a while. Updates finish installing, small glitches clear up, and the device gets a fresh start.

GRANT BRICKMAN: A restart takes a moment and costs nothing. Close your apps, press the button and make a cup of tea. Now you know.

Weather

STORMY BYTES: Good evening. Hype pressure over Roblox is rising fast as a PlayStation menu moves in from the east.

STORMY BYTES: Expect scattered takedowns with a chance of the developer standing firm. Lava remains possible in all block worlds.

STORMY BYTES: Outlook: clear skies for battery chemistry, where the hype stays low and the pressure stays at 1,000 kPa.

AI-written satire. The text of the news items comes from the linked articles. Plain text